Two years after a failed marriage, fresh expectations moved forward. A new husband, a relocation to another state, and my ready-made family of four children initiated adventures ahead!
The new beginning came with the thought: “A life lived well in the present cleans the slate from the past.” This earlier mindset would later adjust to the revelation Jesus had wiped the slate clean more than 2000 years ago. However, his costly gift of salvation still waited to be received.
Prior to marriage, my husband and I agreed to my taking a furlough from teaching. It was a fair concession with family adjustments to new schools and children’s chaotic sports schedules! Though initially optimistic about the plan, idling through long daytime hours took its toll. How much cleaning can one do? I was used to rising early and the house was in ship-shape by mid-morning. Idle afternoons nudged a renewal of thoughts from the past. Is this all there is? (Wifehood, motherhood, grandmotherhood, then death?) Unknown to me, the dark musings reasserted unfinished business with God.
Seeking something more had returned its haunt. Or had it ever left? The setting was early morning. God’s presence moved quietly through predawn hours as sleeplessness coaxed me from the comfort of bed covers. At 4:30 a.m., I brewed coffee. Soon my new husband would be early out the door with coffee mug in hand. I had not shared the lingering discontent. What husband wants a depressed bride? I also wondered, Why am I not at peace with a life I have changed completely?
Wandering thoughts tightened into an awareness of the presence of God, and I uttered aloud a prayer that had taken a lifetime to say. “God, if there is anything you could possibly want in my life, you can have it.” A surge of daylight burst through the window—like the light filling my soul to banish the darkness.
New life had dawned with a bonus of peace, but much lay ahead. God’s guiding wisdom awaited discovery. His Word awaited reading. His revelations awaited receiving. I had met the Living God. It was now time to know him.
Over the fleeting months, my passion for Jesus grew. I was ready to receive all he had in store. I excitedly gifted myself with a three-inch commentary to help me understand the Bible. My new enthusiasm prompted me to ask my husband, “Why don’t we start to pray together?”
He looked aghast. “I’m really not ready for that!”
The reply was profoundly puzzling. After all, it was he who was “the big Christian”—the one who attended church non-stop throughout childhood and even as a single adult. Why doesn’t he want to pray together? I would later learn my very churched husband did not understand a personal relationship with Christ. His faith was defined by doctrine, attending church, and performing good works—concepts not foreign to my own earlier views. In less than three months of marriage, we were now divided. Believer with unbeliever in a resounding mismatch, spiritually unequal partners viewing the world through radically different lenses. Unknown to me, the Holy Spirit had taken up residence in our home through a newly believing wife. And God had his plan.
As a new follower of Christ, I had a desire to deepen my relationship with God, and this was woven throughout the marriage relationship. A spiritual imbalance was growing by a husband’s subtle rivalry with a bride in love with Jesus. It soon became evident the marriage could only survive through the grace of God and a consuming reliance on his guidance.
Trial and error were rampant partners. So many mistakes. So many of my perspectives cried for adjustment. Jesus continued to teach his eager new student. For instance, while I read the Bible, the Holy Spirit repeatedly provided witness to the verse speaking into my life. Jesus’s personalized communication seemed to pop out from the page. I recall the time when a discussion with my husband had heated up. I had said too much. Later that day, as I read Scripture, a verse popped from the page. “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking” (Proverbs 10:19 NKJV).
It would be five years before my husband received Christ into his life. Though our marriage became technically equally yoked, we had much to learn. Decisions between yielding to the Spirit’s guidance or yielding to living from the self-life were ongoing. The harmony of spiritual oneness is nurtured through encounters with the Spirit—through God’s Word, prayer, and the spiritual input of mature believers. To this day, my husband, Kip, and I rely on God, who enables the joy of a spirit-filled marriage.
Postscript: A few years after my husband became a believer in Jesus Christ, we volunteered for years co-chairing the FamilyLife® Conference in the Washington metropolitan area. The bi-annual week-long conferences called A Weekend to Remember were sponsored by Campus Crusade for Christ (now called CRU). Held in beautiful area hotels, the conferences]brought five hundred couples together for marriage enrichment. These marriage enrichment conferences are still held nationwide.
